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Emerging from a winter of the soul

 Our time comes in yesterdays, todays and tomorrows.

                                                                          ~  John O’Donohue

Waking from a winter of the soul and seeing the beauty around me
Waking from a winter of the soul and seeing the beauty around me

We had rain for thirty six hours. The kind of rain you expect in winter, although we are circling into summer. We haven’t had this kind of rain — more than 100mm — in over a year and there were rivulets winding across the lawn down to the road. Spring is over. I missed it and the beauty of new growth it brings because I’ve been moving through a dark time. A winter of the soul.

Have you ever been through a winter of the soul?

It’s a time when joy in life withers, or the warmth of human relationships turn cold, you may have had a tragedy, or your hopes or dreams were dashed on the rocks of reality. There is a sadness, a sense of failure, a loss of energy, loneliness, the inability to find beauty in the world and it feels like there is nothing new to take its place.

‘Winter of the soul’ is a phrase John O’Donohue uses to describe this bleak period and I think it sums up my experience. He says that at these times you should follow nature’s instincts and withdraw, lie low, and shelter until the bleakness passes.

I’m not the type of person who lies low, I’m the one who pushes through. Aren’t we always exhorted to push through the pain, to fake it ’til we make it, to smile even though we don’t want to because it will make us feel better? This time however, it’s been difficult to spiral out of my dark winter of the soul and I’ve been hunkering down. Letting things go. Not doing or being, or seeing. 

Until the rains came.

Tapitallee Creek in the rain
Replenishing rain allowing the creek to flow again

The rain cleared this morning and the princess dog and I went for an early morning walk. This used to be part of my routine, but I’ve fallen out of this habit as I have with many things. The very things that bring peace and joy and focus. No photographs, no journal writing, no making plans, no drawing, no following my path to the passionate life I desire. There  are many reasons for this but when I think of them now, they feel like excuses. I won’t bore you with the details but suffice it to say, the reasons — which seemed valid — caused me to spiral into deep sadness and discontent with my lot. A dark, cold winter of the soul. But time is a circle as is the year, which cycles through the seasons.

And just as in nature, the seasons of the soul change as time passes, as we grow older, as we learn and have different experiences.

So although I missed spring while I was in a state of melancholy, the seasons continued to turn and we are now on the cusp of blossoming into the richness of summer. It’s nature’s time to flourish and grow. A time of texture and colour, light and arrival. It’s also the time for plans to flourish. John says,

Transience is the force of time that makes a ghost of every experience.

The vibrancy pf summer
I missed spring but I’m opening my heart to the vibrancy of summer – beach walks with the princess dog, blue skies, verdant landscapes.

This morning marks a turning point for me. Walking with the princess allowed me time to reflect on where I’ve been and where I want to go. The replenishing rain, nature’s gift to the parched earth, is an omen. A sign that summertime is on the threshold of my soul.  My intuition tells me that it’s time to shake off the ghosts of yesterday’s experiences, focus on today and prepare for tomorrow. 

Part of this preparation is to reawaken my senses to the beauty around me. John, in his book Divine beauty: the invisible embrace says that beauty is quietly woven through our days in the simplest things — kindness, tenderness, and care, for instance, bring touches of beauty. For me, there is a whisper of beauty in picking herbs for a meal, seeing tiny grapes forming on the vines, feeling the freshness in the air this morning after the cleansing rain, watching the creek in full flow over the crossing after stagnating in small pools for so many months. 

Emerging from a winter of the soul and seeing beauty in small things
My senses are waking up to the beauty in small things

I’ve been moving through the past weeks without noticing the beauty in my world but I now hear it calling me. John says,

When we awaken to the call of  beauty, we become aware of new ways of being in the world.

 I’m reminded of my to-do list from my wild writing session, which was about the simple things that bring me joy. I want to feel joy again, to be aware of new ways of being.

I have to pick up the pace, I’ve lost time – a whole season! There are seeds to sow, even at this late stage, the cusp of summer. I must revisit my intentions, rediscover old habits, delight in the small details of my life, become aware of new ways of being, and find joy in the ordinariness of my days.

A beautiful flower, good omen to emerge from a winter of the soul
A good omen, this beautiful flower flourishing – as I emerge from a winter of the soul

I chose the word ‘FLOURISH’ at the end of October as my word through to the end of the year but I’ve been hibernating through this winter of the soul, lying dormant.  So now I’m pushing through — it feels like waking up from a troubled sleep. And like the transience of time, as nature has cycled into a new season, my dark winter of the soul, too, is passing.

It’s time to flourish!

As we move into the festive season, a time of vibrancy and light, warmth, ice-cream, and beach swims here in the southern hemisphere, but also cold and snow, warm fires and hot chocolate for you in the north, I wish you summertime in your heart and flourishing hopes and plans.

‘Til next time

Colleen

 

 

PS: I’d love to hear your thoughts on a winter of the soul. Has your soul been through this cold, lonely season? How did you cope? What was it like to come through to the other side? Please, drop me a line or leave a comment. I always love to hear from you and by sharing, we all learn from each other.

PPS: Just letting you know that if you purchase any books mentioned here via a link to Book Depository, I will earn a (very) small commission. ?

27 wild days of writing

This is me starting the day with nothing except a hope
that I’ll make something beautiful out of nothing,
that I can conjure magic from scraps, a snip of a dream and a cup of coffee.
Me remembering that I’ve got this if I can just relax.

                                                          ~  Laurie Wagner,  Creator of 27 Powers

Wild days to-do list
Walking on the beach with amore and the princess –  on my to-do list

Last year I did a course with the wonderfully insightful Laurie Wagner called 27 Wild Days. What an adventure of wild writing it was! For 27 days the lovely Laurie appeared in my inbox via a video, sharing wisdom about writing and to read a poem. You listened to the poem (twice), Laurie provided a jumping off point — the title of the poem, a line from it or any other phrase that came to mind — and off you went. 

The premise of wild writing is to write for fifteen minutes as fast as you can, pen never leaving the page, no thinking about it — write the words as they come to you. No looking for better words.  If the word “shit” comes or “kook” or “frumpy bum” — anything that sounds silly or messy (or god forbid, unacceptable!) — it doesn’t matter, that’s the word to use.  It’s your truth.  This is what wild writing is all about.  Getting to the heart of things.  Laurie calls it “putting some skin in the game”. 

Some days it’s writing about stuff that you don’t want to write about, beginning with a sentence like, “If you really knew me, you’d know…” And repeating that phrase as you continue to put ink on the page. It’s about the things that are hidden under the skin. The stuff you find difficult to write about.

She says:

It’s an awesome way to move into the heart of what matters to you, and it’s also terribly exciting to write onto the edge.  You will generate power.  You will surprise yourself, you will not bore yourself.

She’s right. It’s revealing. Beginning this way loosens you up until you get to the story that you really want to tell.  It’s a wild ride, this truth telling.

Wild days to-do list
An orchid from the garden – seeing the beauty that surrounds me

I confess that when I started, I didn’t think I would have enough to say, that I wouldn’t be able to keep pen to page non-stop for fifteen minutes.  But once I started with the truth-telling, I couldn’t stop.  The ink kept flowing, the words tumbled out.  The best part of it was that the demon of perfection didn’t have time to rear its ugly head.  Before I knew it, fifteen minutes was up. 

As the days rolled on, I discovered poetry in a form I had never read before.  The stuff of real life. Raw emotion. Truth.  I also discovered that some of what was appearing on my pages was poetry too.  Good writing.  Honest. Surprising and exhilarating.

Wild!

I’d like to share some of this writing with you over the next few weeks, starting with something that I’m really good at.  A to-do list. Nothing exciting about that, I hear you say. But this is a list with a difference. It’s nothing like any of my usual to-do lists.  It’s inspired by Laurie’s jumping off point on Day 13 — “Things to do today” which is  a line from Tony Hoagland’s poem The word.  

Here’s a few lines of Tony’s beautiful poem:

Down near the bottom

of the crossed-out list

of things you have to do today,

between “green thread”

and “broccoli,” you find

that you have penciled “sunlight ” 

You can read the whole poem here

Reading my wild writing from Day 13 this morning was so well-timed because I was feeling a little low.  It was such a great reminder of the simple things, ordinary things that give me joy. Things that I allowed to slip from my mind. 

Wild days at the beach
With my dog and my guy – barefoot on the sand

So here’s my list of  “Things to do today”. It gives me joy to present it to you.

Things to do today

Enjoy a moment by yourself  

Work on your plan, be productive  

Walk your dog 

Play 

Create something beautiful on the page, or in the kitchen  

Pick fresh herbs and make a salad  

Smile a lot  

Think positive thoughts  

See the beauty around you  

Kiss amore and tell him that you love him  

Take a few deep breaths  

Smell the roses 

Really see the colours of spring  

Remember the people you love 

Say their names out loud and send them a wish through the universe 

Change your sheets and spray them with lavender and orange 

Enjoy the sunshine 

Plant some flowers 

Drink lots of water 

Write, a lot! 

Write about the things you love, write a blog post, write a list of all the things you
plan to finish 

Rest your back

Have a bath

Buy yourself something nice

Get in touch with your friend Ruth, tell her you’re thinking of her  

Don’t beat yourself up about the things you haven’t done, think about the great things you’re going to do  

Go to the beach and walk barefoot on the sand  

Draw something  

Finish your drawing course

Finish something else on your list  

Feel good about where you’re at right now  

Meditate for five minutes  

Post a beautiful picture on Instagram  

Write a letter the old-fashioned way and send it to your daughter

Write one to your son as well  

Find joy in the ordinary and be thankful for what’s good in your life  

Be happy. 

Journal writing - wild days
Beginning wild days -Day 13

These are words from my wild heart,  my wild writing — unpolished, unedited.  Not just for today, for other days too. Days when I need a reminder that there are good things in my world. A reminder to be happy. I hope it will inspire you to think of things to do today that make you happy. And if you feel that 27 wild days of writing could be the thing that gets your creative juices flowing, or maybe you need a little help to get some ink on the page, why don’t you hop over and see Laurie. I guarantee that you’ll be delighted, surprised, maybe even a little shocked (in a nice way) at what appears on your page as you write your way through 27 wild days.

Over to you now.  I’d love to hear what’s on your list.  Maybe your list is a poem? 

Colleen

To taste life twice – a journal writer’s reward

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.

~  Anaïs Nin

journal writing
Journal writing each morning – the opportunity to enjoy a moment of stillness and to taste life twice

It rained overnight. Soaking rain. This morning the garden is showing its gratitude by unfurling leaves, stems reaching upright, flower buds suddenly  tumescent with the promise of life. The early morning sunlight is sparkling through the treetops and the grass is glistening. Everything seems revitalised and perky.  I walked around the garden earlier, feeling the coolness of the day brushing my face, the air calm. A state of quietude. Even the birdsong is muted. It smells fresh, cleansed of the dust stirred about by the ever-present winds of the past few days.

It’s been a scattered month. Like the dust that’s been swirling around, I feel stirred up and unsettled. I can’t believe that August has arrived already. We’ve been home from Italy for six weeks and the memories of that adventure have taken on sepia tones — the alchemy of the tastes, sounds, smells and sights which were so exhilarating, beginning to fade.Continue Reading

Something to look forward to

To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another — that is surely the basic instinct . . . Time to take this life for what it is!

                                             ~ Barbara Kingsolver

Piazza Ducale, Vigevano
The beautiful renaissance Piazza Ducale, Vigevano – Northern Italy in Lombardy

The first substantial rain a few days ago heralded the arrival of autumn in our patch of Australia. Much needed after our hot, dry summer. Autumn is my favourite season with its warm sunny days and cool nights, perfect for sleeping. And the ever-changing canvas of turning leaves is glorious on our walks. This year though, I’m leaving autumn behind and looking forward to experiencing spring in Italy.

My year had a slow beginning. January didn’t belong to me and some rocky moments had me limping through February. I’ve been out of step with life and this transition period has inched along with scant movement in the important areas of my life. The past few weeks have been busy with planning and finishing tasks associated with leaving—preparing the garden so that it’s easy for mum to maintain, plans for the princess dog, and the slow transition to a different working life inching forward in the midst of it all. It’s made me feel anxious rather than excited. There hasn’t been space in my mind to think about or look forward to our Italian adventure.

Until now.

Continue Reading

The power of intention on the path to transition

Every journey begins with the first step of articulating the intention, and then becoming the intention.

                                             ~ Bryant McGill

The path to transition
If only the path to transition were as smooth-flowing as the beautiful Shoalhaven River on a summer day

It’s been five months since we arrived in New South Wales yet we are still finding our way. I could be a little dismayed that I’m not further along in my transition to a new way of working. But it’s not been an easy path. It’s been messy — strewn with debris, obstacles to trip me up, and the deflecting minutiae of daily life. It’s been a slow meander not the quick sprint I envisaged, with false starts, dead-ends, illness and distractions along the way.

Continue Reading

Caught in the maelstrom of the moment

Progress is never permanent, will always be threatened, must be redoubled, restated and reimagined if it is to survive.

                                                     ~ Zadie Smith 

Obstacles
Sometimes unexpected obstacles in our path can sweep us into a maelstrom

A couple of weeks ago I had a frightening episode. Chest pain and a trip to the emergency department of our district hospital in the wee hours of the morning swept me into a vortex of confusion, fear and anxiety. Physical pain is such a distressing sensation isn’t it? So much so that it’s easy to get caught in the maelstrom of the moment — erasing what came before, blocking any alternatives in the present, and wiping out possibilities for the future. And even though my pain subsided within a few hours, that whirling moment stretched to a number of days.Continue Reading

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